 |
All About Me and My Days See My Pic at http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/kward85@sbcglobal.net
AIM: BabyGyrl0353398 (I know...its long, but its worth it!!!) School: University of Texas-Arlington Major: Social Work Favorite Color: Blue Sex: Female...duh DOB: 03/20/85
Contact Me
|
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Friday, September 19, 2003
My Mom doesn't understand...
Why is it that the people that are close to you are the ones that are least likely to be understanding??
I have a paper due Moday, as well as a quiz, and on Tuesday I have a College Algebra test...and I am soooo confused in that class.
What am I supposed to do?
And to make things worse, my mom wants me to go to this stupid ceremony. Granted, its a ceremony for me, for a scholarship that I am receiving, but I keep telling her to go in my place. But she doesn't want to go in my place!! What kind of crap is that?? The people ahead of the ceremony already said that it was okay that I didn't come. So now my question is: WHAT'S THE BIG FREAKIN' DEAL?!?!?
Why can't she understand that I have school related things that I need to do?? She's being such a "B" about the situation. I love her dearly, but she is so darn bull-headed that its ridiculous, and something has got to give, or someone will get hurt. Seriously! She can't just snatch me out of school because she's to chicken to except my award...I mean really, I could have sworn that she was grown...right??
Is she trying to see me flunk out of my first year of college?? Then if I did flunk, then she'd be down my throat wondering what the heck happened...I can't take this. Earlier this week, she told me that she would need me to babysit...BABYSIT!!!! I have no kids, and she can't keep counting on me, and expecting me to be understanding when she isn't...I have bent over backwards for her and the family...I spent most of my high school career babysiting my siblings when I could have been out having a life, but I wanted to help out. Then her and my stepfather start taking advantage...like saying that they would be out for "a couple of hours" and then not coming back until the next day, while I'm stuck at home with a toddler and an infant...neither of which I birthed!!! Now this is just getting out of control.
Am I being unresonable???
I don't think so, but maybe I am...
I just can't believe how childish she is acting...I swear if it isn't one thing, its another...I just have to count it all joy, I guess. I'm still in the mind-set of not going, I haven't packed anything, and I'm going to call her AGAIN, because I'm tired of her avoiding me whenever we talk about something. She is being such a...darn, there isn't a word for it.
Other than that, I talked to J today, and I told him the whole story on the Q thing, and he was upset, but he let it go...my baby is pretty easy going, so he didn't flip. Thank God. I told him about how crappy my week has been, and he was so into what I was saying. That made me so happy.
Today, I went shopping and got some new clothes and a new pair of shoes for Homecoming. And I got J a gift...just for laughs, I got him a shirt with my school's name on it , and it says Alumni (lol)...(its funny because he is always saying that his school is better than mine because they have a football team and we don't! We just go back and forth about our school's all the time). Then I got him a Teddy Bear that says somebody at UTA loves you...giggle giggle. I also got him a card. I still have one more thing to get him, which is a Ninja Turtle poster...when he was a kid, he LOVED the Ninja Turtles, so I wanted to get him the poster. I hope he likes it.
When he was talking about coming to Homecoming, he sounded so excited, and he kept telling me to make sure that I came to Homecoming, because I wasn't sure if I was going or not. So I AM going, and my outfit is sooooo darn cute! I'm wearing HEELS!!! Now that is serious...because I'm such a tomboy, but he is the only one I'll dress up for. The ONLY ONE!!! Besides, I have got to turn some heads...in high school I only dressed up like 5 times, so this wil definately be something for the people to see. And I will definatelylet all of my public know about my day!!
The only bad thing about tomorrow will be that Q and I haven't talked about the crap that happened earlier this week, and I want to hang with my good friend Kris, but not if she is with him. I refuse to act phony around him, just to save face. I freakin' refuse. And if Kris won't check him, and tell him when he is wrong, then I will. So he had better not come to me with nonsense. Because I will straight but him back in his place (awww shoots, I had my first GHETTO moment on my blog!!! hahaha). But seriously though, I am not the one for garbage stuff like that, and he needs to know, so I'm going to tell him. Because he did just straight disrespect J and acted like he knew him...he knows absolutely NOTHING about J, and he should never even pretend too. Q knows if it was him in that situation, that he would be pissed and ready to STAB somebody! So he just needs to be careful about what he says and what he THINKS he knows. I'm cool about it now, because I know how Q can be, but that gives him no excuse. He is still my brother in Christ, but as his sister I have to correct him. And its not because it has to do with J, I would do the same thing if it were about anybody, but it hurts more since it has to do with J, because Q knows how I feel about J. He even encouraged our relationship, he was so happy for me, but then to turn around on some dumb crap, and say bad things about him...oh thats just a serious No-No.
It will get handled though. In the most positive way, I promise. No blood will get shed, it will be so freakin' peaceful. Besides, I'm going to be dressed up, so I am not going to clown! LoL
Well guys and gals, I need to be writing my freakin' paper...Lord, please help me.
Good nite all...stay blessed.
Posted at 12:32 am by Starsky03
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Posted at 10:48 pm by Starsky03
Los Ojos...or something like that
Your Hottest Body Part is Your Eyes!Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers?
Your eyes definitely have IT.
You bat those eyes at any man, and he comes running.
Making eyes at men you crave is your specialty.
You can even cry prettily with tears in the right places.
And you love to keep your eyes open during sex, not missing a single thing.
Celebs who work their eyes as hard as you do include: Mandy Moore, Jennifer Garner, Heather Locklear, and of course, Heather Graham.
Want to play up your eyes even more?
First of all, make sure they're visible - by keeping your hair away from your face and by wearing subtle makeup everywhere but your eyes!
Invest in an eyelash curler, a good brow job, and some quality mascara.
What's Your Hottest Body Part??
More Great Quizzes from Quiz DivaPosted at 10:43 pm by Starsky03
You'll Fall in Love With A Virgo!Your conservative approach to love and sex goes well with a Virgo.
Virgo's are perfect and pretty - and live their lives in an orderly fashion.
You will never go crazy when you're around a Virgo.
You're a traditional type who prefers monogamy and missionary position.
You love sex to be normal and clean - no sweat or excess fluids.
You don't want anything too kinky - just two bodies pressed together.
Your Virgo is graceful and sexy in the purest sense.
While it may take your Virgo a while to fall for you....
Once he / she does, you'll see nothing but pure romance.
What Sign Should Your Lover Be?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz DivaPosted at 10:12 pm by Starsky03
Sex and Love Conincide for me...
Your Bedroom Personality Is Romantic!For you, sex is an act of love.
What this means:
You wait the longest of all types to have sex.
You've got to be sure that you're in love...
And that your lover is devoted to you.
What your lovers love about you:
You make sex meaningful, passionate, and emotional.
You are caring and gentle throughout the whole act.
And once you have sex, you're likely to stick around for a while.
What your lovers can't stand about you:
For you sex and love are so entertwined...
That good sex can make you too attached.
And bad sex can make you feel unloved.
What's *Your* Bedroom Personality?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz DivaPosted at 10:01 pm by Starsky03
You are as far from freaky as it gets... well, except...
You've got a dying curiousity to be a little more flavorful than vanilla.
After all, you did take this quiz :-)
Maybe you're a virgin. Maybe you have already decided what you like.
But if you aren't boring yourself, you're certainly boring your lover.
The last time you tried something new in the bedroom, well, Britney was still a virgin.
Advice? Start slowly, experimenting with your self.
Find your g-spot. Try some ass play.
See what you like, and then tell your partner all about it.
What's Your Freak Factor?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz DivaPosted at 09:55 pm by Starsky03
Don't forget about the little things...
"...Its the little things...its the little things, and the joy they bring..."
-India. Arie "Little Things"
Hello all...
Life is just a smidge better than yesterday...well, not a smidge better, but just brighter all the way around.I just got back from the interest meeting for the Christian Sorority/Fraternity that I mentioned before. I really feel like I belong there, despite my stupid wrong-doings. The people are so nice and they are just like me. I felt kind of bad because of the things that happened this weekend...like drinking (I am underage), I didn't get drunk and lose my panties anywhere, I just had a few drinks. That's all. But once I sat down and met the people, I realized that that was what I have always prayed for. I have always wanted a to have a group of Christian friends that I could relate to, (not the uppity "I think I am better than you" type). I think I have found my place, but I have to make sure that this is exactly for me. I just want to be happy. And I think this will help alot.
This morning I had a 8 o'clock College Algebra class that I skipped. I am still sick and my body was tired from all of the crying I did the night before. So I happily stayed in bed. Then I got up to go to my Political Science class. I was running a little bit late, but still on time. I got there and I kept feeling like we were going to get a POP QUIZ!!! OH LORD!! And yes, we got one. And guess what...I ACED it!! I hadn't read the chapter or anything...can you believe it!?!?! I surely can't. I was in AWEW and freakin' AMAZEMENT!! There was definately a "HIGHER POWER" on my side. Dang, I'm BLESSED!! So I felt really good, until I was brought back into the realization that I was in fact still sick. And the next thing you know, I'm hacking my brains out! (Coughing) I started getting hot and I was disturbing everyone that was attempting to pay attention to the lecture. I could hardly pay attention, I was getting ready to just walk out of class, but I needed to take the notes...I hate getting other peoples notes because they don't do theirs like mine. So I spent most of the class hacking like an IDIOT! But I couldn't be too upset, cuz I got m first freakin' A in college!!! (I need to throw a party!)
Anyways, so my good friend Naya and I go get something to eat and then we head back to my place. We watched a little tv and then she had to leave...she had another class to attend...I on the other hand was done for the day. So I was sitting at my computer, just surfing the web, when I get a phone call. This was at around 1236 pm, so I'm thinking its my mom or something, but I was decieved...it was...DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....dun dun dun dun dun dun...my BABY J!!!!
I was so darn happy, I was grinning so HARD!! (But we won't tell him that...shhhh) So yea, he told me he was thinking about me, he said that he was thinking about me so hard that he had to call me from right where he was, which happened to be his MATH CLASS!! I was in such shock...he called me in the middle of his math class, I felt all special. We talked about my constant absence in my very own math class, he warned me about that and then we talked about school. Not too much later were we interupted by his math teacher's sudden urge to pass out papers, starting with the back of the class...which was where my baby was sitting...of course.
I was happy to hear from him. His phone call and everything else made today a really beautiful day. Not just because he called, but because everything went so smoothly.
And guess what...dun dun dun...it can only get better. Tomorrow has so much promise. I believe I can get better. Take the good with the bad, seek motivation to be able to withstand the bad times, and then you can face anything. God is good. He has placed so many good people in my life...I just hope I am one of those good people for someone else.
Tomorrow will be AWESOME! I can feel it. Even if I get bad news or something, I'm getting stronger, and I can handle it...even if it does mean crying...(OMG!!! What am I saying??? hahaha)
Seriously though, everything will be alright. And soon enough, I will find out what true happiness is really like.
Be Good ALL. Live life to the fullest.
And don't be afraid to cry.
Posted at 09:34 pm by Starsky03
Cry a little, die a little and pretend that you're feeling a little more pain...
Well how about that???
I have just spent most of my night crying, yeah, I said it, CRYING!!!
I'm such a boy trapped in a girls body, b/c I freakin' hate emotion and I hate expressing emotion...
To me, its a sign of weakness...my friends tell me that crying is therapeutic, I'd rather get a tatoo or piercing, or go for a jog or something to release my feelings, hell, I'd even write a 5 page poem on the subject before I cry...
I guess I was just that pissed off that I could do nothing else but cry.
Here's the scoop...
Well, as you all know, my baby called AND left a message on her phone, THEN he did that same crap again today...well Kris told her overly jealous b/f which is my play-brother, a/b J calling her, and he got all extra pissed. So Kris and Q had a fight and what does Q do??? He calls me all pissed off about it. He basically told me of me and Kris didn't handle it, that he would!!! WTF!!!!???? I was like, "Man, you over-reacting", b/c even though I was mad that Kris got a message and I didn't, I wasn't threatening people and crap. I mean DAMN!! So he continued to tell me that Kris was not being truthful with me and that I was being NAIVE about J...
That ish PISSED me off...I HATE being called naive, I even pride myself on not being naive...
He told me that J has been basically trying to get with...meaning have sex with...Kris. My heart broke, I swear you could hear it just crush right then and there. My voice got to cracking and I was done for. So I asked was he sure and he said yes.
I was in shock. Kris would never lie or hold the truth from me, she knows I appreciate the honest truth, even if it hurts. So I call her and she is still upset at Q, and she could tell that I was upset. So I told her, and she explained to me the Q was lieing.
She feels like he doesn't trust her, and that he is trying to control her by not wanting guys to call her cell phone. So she is pissed off and she is rethinking their WHOLE relationship.
This whole situation is just crazy...me and Kris just ended up sobbing on the phone with each other; not sure of what to say to the other.
As we speak, her and Q are STILL on the phone, hopefully they come to an understanding b/c I know how much they love each other. And how they want to spend the rest of their lives together.
Even if J and I don't work out, I hope they do...I think Q just has issuses within himself that he needs to work out...b/c him not trusting her is a BIG thing. And its effecting everybody, including ME!!
I'm still not super-confident about J and I...I am never super-confident about anything, I just try to tough it out as much as possible to see what happens.
I still need to talk to him, b/c I want to know whats on his mind. And he needs to know whats on mine...I guess.
Kris told me that they talked about a week ago about how he wanted to leave "D-Town" (the place he lived before going off to college), behind and be apart of the "College Life"...and that's cool, but Kris and I both wonder if he meant that he doesn't want to go back there, or if he was leaving EVERYTHING behind, including ME!?!?!
That would suck, but I am prepared to move on, he knows how I feel, I have said my piece, DAMN, I even said the FREAKIN' "L" word!!! Hahaha
I meant it, I still feel the same, but I don't want to pressure him. I want him to be happy. I want him focused. I want the best for him.
I guess I do love him too much.
Love hurts, but it feels good to say how I feel. To be able to say that I am sooo in love with someone that I can accept whatever decisions that he decides to make.
I am soooo in love that it doesn't even matter if he doesn't say it back, b/c I am just happy knowing that he knows.
I am sooo in love.
Sooo in love.
In LOVE!
God this night has been crazy, and I know that things can get better and they can very well get worse. I'm just happy that all the people close to me know my real true feelings.
No regrets.
No need to look back.
I can look forward, towards the sun.
The light hurts, but its soo damn beautiful.
Tomorrow will be great.
Posted at 12:54 am by Starsky03
Monday, September 15, 2003
Feeling Just a Tad Blah...
Hi guys and gals
I'm sick still and I'm not liking it. I'm still rather upset, but I seem to be more confused than anything.
My friend Kris texted me today and told me that J called her and left yet ANOTHER message on her phone. I wanted to curse, but now I'm calm. I don't care about him calling her anymore, I figure if he wanted to talk to me, then he would have. Point blank, no questions asked.
On top of that, I'm confused about the Christian Sorority that I am planning to join. Deep down in my heart I know I need to be there, and that creativlely, I would fit in, but I don't feel worthy enough. I feel like I'm failing everyone right now. I know that God is not pleased with me, and further more, I'm not even pleased with myself.
So now I'm trying to assess all of the things I've done...
And I'm wondering am I bending to far for people or am I just highly influenced by others? Well, I don't think I am highly influenced, because I've never done anything that I didn't want to...my mom even knows and understands that. She even knows better than that.
I just don't know where I'm going wrong. So now I'm wondering if J should even be apart of my life right now? Is he what is holding me back? Or is my LOVE for him holding me back? Maybe God wants us to be together, but just not right now, you know? Maybe God is telling me the right answers, but I'm not listening. I don't know anymore. I do know that this BLOG thing is very theraputic...
I have a lot of friends and people that I hold close to me, and whenever they have a problem, I'm always there to counsel and console them, but when I need someone to talk to it seems that no one is listening.
Maybe God is just setting me apart so I can talk to Him, because I have prayed, but I haven't really said what I really needed to say. I'm not as focused as I once was, and I can't put my finger on why. I just need a sign...not just any old sign, I need like a miracle sign, something that is a rarity...
Because I'm tired of thinking that certain things are signs and then they turn out to be the total opposite of what I thought they were. So I need something so amazing, that if I told just anybody about it, that their mouths would drop, and even pastors would call it a miracle. I know it seems like I'm asking for much, but I need something that is in plain sight, nothing obscure, no "reading between the lines".
I know that this will come, but I pray that I can accept what comes with all of this that I am asking for. And I pray that I can accept the changes that are going to come, because I can feel something is going to happen, but I don't know when.
I never realized how much of a struggle this would be, but it probably only seems hard, because I seem to make things that way...I'm so darn difficult!!!!
Well guys, I'll probably be writing again tonight...
So much is on my mind, but I need to clean up, I need a fresh look on EVERYTHING right now. I refuse to be depressed and down right now...I can't be down.
Love you all, and I hope someone receives something from my ramblings...
God Bless us ALL
Posted at 07:46 pm by Starsky03
About Your Kissing Style:
You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.
Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!
One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.
What Your Kissing Style Says About You:
You're no prude, but if you're going to get sexual, it needs to mean something.
You prefer to take things slow, because it only makes them better in the long run.
You're much more likely to find yourself engaged than in some stranger's bed.
Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches:
You and another Romantic Kisser is just pure bliss. You both enjoy the finer aspects of seduction and have the preference of taking things slow. It's practially love at first site. You'll also find yourself attracted to Juicy Kissers. The way a Juicy Kisser locks eyes with you and draws you in is almost cosmic...
Manic Kissers are to be avoided at all costs. These kissers love to kiss everyone and can never commit to one person. Next! Carnal Kissers aren't your style either. They'll push you for sex way too soon... and get very upset when they don't get their way.
How Do *You* Kiss?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz DivaPosted at 07:25 pm by Starsky03
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
